What do you put in your letters?

[MattN]

I'm ashamed to admit that I've rarely written personal letters in my life. I write a lot of professional letters, and a lot of informal personal communications (quick emails, for example), but personal letters seem quite different from both of those.

 

Now that I've started using a fountain pen and rediscovered the joy of handwriting, I'd like to start writing people real letters. The trouble is that I've had so little recent experience with them that I'm not really sure how to go about writing a good one.

 

So, when you write a personal letter to someone just for the sake of writing them a letter, and when you're not responding to a specific letter that you've received from them, what do you write about? Do you just provide a general update on your life? Tell amusing anecdotes? Enquire about them and their family? I'm sure there's some of each of those things, but I'd like to hear how it generally fits together for you. What sort of structure do you use? Are there certain things you try to always do or avoid doing?

 

Thanks!

Matt

[chud]

I don't really have any rules for that sort of thing. It depends on to whom I'm writing, to some extent. All the things you mentioned are things I've sometimes included, sometimes not, and I don't think there really is anything that I always do or don't do. Anything I think is interesting is probably fair game, and of course the better I know someone the better idea I'll have about what I might want to talk about.

 

PM me your address if you like and I'll send you something - no better way to figure it out than by doing.

[pmorin]

Structure? What's that? I fit my correspondence into my free time. I find if I am doing a quick update (sort of a monthly letter, or don't have much going on) that I can get a one page letter done in about an hour at lunch most times (I write fairly small, so it's more information than it sounds like). Most times, long letters or major updates (two or more pages) get interrupted and the flow is somewhat fragmented.

 

But I picked up writing when I got back into fountain pens a couple years ago, and dived into letter-folding and wax seal stamps as well. People enjoy having esoteric items land in their mail in my experience.

 

My general approach is done thusly:

• I usually start by responding to their last letter (which is rare to be honest. Everyone I know loves getting something in the mail, but it's rare that my friends ever write back.)
• I follow with general life update/Family update.
• I move to common interest items, or things outside of family/life/work that I want to bring up.
• I usually end with following up how they are, asking about their family/life/etc.
• Somewhere in the middle, I'll toss in whatever happens to go through my head I don't want to forget to mention, whether it fits or not.

 

Somewhere inside of all of that I try to be witty, smart, and charming. Occasionally it happens.

 

Postcards get whatever random flotsam is near the surface, unless I have an actual topic I'm focusing on.

 

 

To be honest, this is part of the reason I haven't joined into the Postcard Swap, or Snail Mail Exchange although I'd like to..... My friends are used to my excesses and obsessional behavior. I am not sure how to approach it with someone new as I'm pretty sure I'd be a little "way too out there" if I wasn't careful. I will likely just jump on the bandwagon and approach it willy-nilly anyway soon. I've finally located a place that carries reasonably priced postcards of the city that aren't awful.

 

 

 

[hamadryad11]

I'm ashamed to admit that I've rarely written personal letters in my life. I write a lot of professional letters, and a lot of informal personal communications (quick emails, for example), but personal letters seem quite different from both of those.

 

Now that I've started using a fountain pen and rediscovered the joy of handwriting, I'd like to start writing people real letters. The trouble is that I've had so little recent experience with them that I'm not really sure how to go about writing a good one.

 

So, when you write a personal letter to someone just for the sake of writing them a letter, and when you're not responding to a specific letter that you've received from them, what do you write about? Do you just provide a general update on your life? Tell amusing anecdotes? Enquire about them and their family? I'm sure there's some of each of those things, but I'd like to hear how it generally fits together for you. What sort of structure do you use? Are there certain things you try to always do or avoid doing?

 

Thanks!

Matt

I haven't written a letter to someone unless I'm starting a regular correspondence with them. I find the first letter hardest to write. I always feel awkward. Mostly I just introduce myself, tell them a bit about myself and ask a few questions so they have something to write about. I do think it's important not to come across like you're sending them some kind of form letter which can happen if you're being too formal or cautious. It should sound like you. It might be a bit clumsy at times, but that's not a big deal. I figure it'll get better with practice and I try not to worry too much about sounding like a goof.

 

Recently I did send a letter out of the blue to a relative who is not a penpal of mine. It was really awkward for me. I told him a bit about what's been going on in my life, and then talked about a project I have in the works that I thought he'd find interesting. It wasn't a very long letter.

 

It's easiest to write letters to someone who's writing back to you, because then you can answer what they say. Usually I'll think of a few new things to say while I'm doing that so the thread of the correspondence doesn't die, and that depends on what kind of things my pen pals like. Sometimes I talk about cooking, sometimes I talk about pens and inks, sometimes I talk about TV shows or books we both like, sometimes I talk about what's going on in my life if anything interesting has happened.

 

Occasionally, I'll resort to talking about the weather!

 

As for structure, I don't have much of one. Greeting --> inane babbling --> sign-off. That's about it. I avoid talking about religion and politics. Almost anything else is fair game for me.

 

If you do want some penpals and don't know how to get started, my advice would be to ask some people on the site, and make sure you send them your address right away so they write to you first.

[Bearcat]

 

 

I always try to ask a lot about what is happening in their lives. Gives them a good reason to send you a nice reply, and people love to talk about themselves rather than hearing more about you.

[hamadryad11]

My friends are used to my excesses and obsessional behavior. I am not sure how to approach it with someone new as I'm pretty sure I'd be a little "way too out there" if I wasn't careful.

You're on the FPN, and you think the people here will be put off by your obsessive behaviour? You're hi-larious.

[Flourish and Blotts]

Your question touches on something that I've thought about quite a lot in the last few years. I've made a conscious effort to move away from e-mail, and I have never been the kind of person who likes to chat on the phone. So, as I've interacted with people in my life in the last few years, and as those people come to know that I tend not to check e-mails for weeks at a time, it soon becomes apparent that there is often very little to say in a correspondence (unless there is a reason for our communication).

 

I've always noticed that when people call me to "chat", often their first question is, "So, what's going on?" My standard joking answer has become, "Well, at this moment I am talking on the phone to you!" Sometimes, they say this out of habit, but, sometimes, I find that they don't really have anything to say at all. They are just relying on there being some arbitrary chit chat to fill some time. And I can't stand gossip, so I don't give it or receive it.

 

The thing that makes writing (in any form) so interesting to me is that it so clearly reveals substance. To write a letter, one must have something to say. Sure, you can send a simple "hello" by way of text message etc., but to write a letter there has to be more than that. And if the letter is filled with nothingness, then the lack of substance is conspicuous.

 

Writing is a great revealer, and I know my 7th grade English teacher laughing at me somewhere for saying this. But its true. Nothing reveals the substance of a person or a relationship faster than pen and ink.

 

 

[MattN]

Thanks for the responses, everyone. They're quite helpful, and I'm hoping to start on a "real letter" shortly. I still don't have it all mapped out, but I have a better sense of how to approach it.

[Slush99]

1. General updates on life (what have I been up to lately?)

 

2. Comments on what the other person has been up to

 

3. How has the other person been doing?

 

4. Writing about common interests

 

5. Answering any questions, and asking new ones

 

6. Stickers

[hamadryad11]

One of my pen pals likes to taunt me with descriptions of things she's cooking for her dinner parties, and which I am not there to eat.

[handlebar]

I have 7 or 8 current penpals and have had most for over at least a year. We chat about everything under the sun and more. That's what a friendship via snailmail or email,etc is all about for me. Just as in person.

I include a photo now and then. But most of the time letters only.

 

Some of my penpals have become confidants as well. I have developed some delightful friendships here on FPN.

 

Jim

[Skyppere]

I like the quote from the John Denver song that goes "there's all the news to tell him, how ya spend your time, what's the latest thing the neighbors say. you're mother called last friday, sunshine made her cry..."

 

I like the quotidian aspects of life and putting them in letters. What are you having for dinner? Has the dog disgraced himself again? What new pen do you have? What are you reading? Seen any good movies lately? What's your favorite tv program? What kind of music do you like, what's on the cd (or ipod) right now? We talk politics, music, movies, gardening, pens/paper/ink/ of shoes and ships and sealing wax... Where are you writing the letter, at the kitchen table, sitting on the back porch? In a neighborhood bar? The library?

 

I do NOT map it out in advance. I usually write as I read... what ever comes into my little noggin. I think of this as less of an essay contest than just chatting over the back fence...

 

Come on in, the water's fine!

 

skyppere

[Slush99]

One of my pen pals likes to taunt me with descriptions of things she's cooking for her dinner parties, and which I am not there to eat.

 

That's cruel

[jbb]

One of my pen pals likes to taunt me with descriptions of things she's cooking for her dinner parties, and which I am not there to eat.

 

That's cruel

http://bestsmileys.com/cooking/4.gif Taunt?!? Noooooo. Inspire. http://bestsmileys.com/cooking/4.gif

[Defacto]

I have 7 or 8 current penpals and have had most for over at least a year. We chat about everything under the sun and more. That's what a friendship via snailmail or email,etc is all about for me. Just as in person.

I include a photo now and then. But most of the time letters only.

 

Some of my penpals have become confidants as well. I have developed some delightful friendships here on FPN.

 

Jim

 

 

+1

Nic

[Titivillus]

In my mind it's a conversation with some rather long lulls in between.

 

K

[carlc]

Matt

 

 

"Occasionally, I'll resort to talking about the weather! "

 

 

 

 

What do you mean 'resort'? For the British this is standard - we're weather obsessed - hence a standard conversation:

 

Hello

 

How are you.

 

Funny weather we're having [or some such]

 

Goodbye

Edited April 3, 2009 by carlc

[welfvet]

I'm a hopeless personal letter writer mainly because my parents (who live in SA) and my sister (who resides in Australia) keep in touch and like to get updates by email, Skype or phone. That kinda uses up all the good tales of daily derring-do that I get up to.

 

But somehow that is a poor excuse, since my dad manages to sit down and compile a letter that he then sends off monthly. We have agreed that he should steer clear of politics because it just depresses us to see our country of birth going the way of Zimbabwe in more detail than we are already exposed to, so my father sticks to stories about friends, and their daily lives.

 

I could do the same but lack the discipline (just like now when I should be working!)

 

I don't keep a journal, but as I have a pretty unique job I feel I should record some of the tales either in letter form or in a journal.

 

Better get on with it then.

 

[carlc]

Matt

 

I was like you at first - then I just decided that I would write as came naturally and if they didn't like it then we would both move on...

 

So far people have been too polite to say "Your first letter was awful - let's call the whole thing off". So I presume I'm doing okay, and I'm no Oscar Wilde!

 

This is supposed to be a pleasant pastime - not an English composition exam.

 

Speaking personally I don't mind what people write - if you're a skydiving alligator wrestler then great let's hear about it, if not then that's great too because neither am I! I just like to hear about other peoples lives.

 

I agree with someone else in this thread (sorry can't remember who) avoid politics and religion it could be the quickest way to lose a correspondent.

 

Just relax and enjoy - otherwise "performance anxiety" sets in!

 

Carl

 

[carlc]

No fair, no fair! What job?