Fear Of Making A Mess

[Scribe_Not]

Maybe this will help dispell some of the "new journal panic".

 

This fall, I attended a historical reenactment and festival. The theme was American Revolutionary War. There was a sutler selling reproduction glassware, dinnerware, pencil boxes, lap desks, etc. He had a small shelf of journal books in various sizes made by Paperblanks. One of those has 240 pages in faux silver filigree covers with metal clasps. The paper edges have a printed design. The pages are smooth laid paper. The book was expensive and I had no immediate use for it, but I just had to have it. Before I put down my money, I asked the merchant how the paper takes modern fountain pen ink. He said he doesn't use the books -- just sells them. So, I took a chance and bought the book anyway. Then, I told him, "Watch this. We are both going to learn something." I turned to the last page in the book, took out my fountain pen and wrote, "Testing with Parker's Blue Black Quink". The line was perfect: no feather, no bleed, no show-through. So now, the book is no longer pristine, but the ice has been broken in legitimate fashion and I can write in the front of it without twinge of conscience.

 

"Aaaaaannnnd… it's gone."

 

 

a slow clap… well deserved for meritorious conduct.

[kiavonne]

Love this topic, thank you Sandy101. It sums up all my emotions in every post.

[majorworks]

Heh. Good topic! I picked up my interest in FPs, inks, and paper about four years ago, I guess. Around that time, I bought a new Moleskine lined notebook (hey, at the time I thought that was premium! I know better now), thinking I'd use it to journal, free-associate, whatever. It took about a year to bring myself to make a mark in it.

 

Why was I so hesitant to use it? For me, the issue was not so much whether I had anything worthy of inscribing into this nice, clean notebook. I guess I'd ascribe it to a silly self-consciousness. What if someone else sees what I wrote and thinks it's gibberish? What if *I* read it again later and think it's gibberish? The interesting thing about all these hangups of mine is that I am a writer/editor professionally. The difference being, however, that I write/edit material for a specific target audience on a relatively narrow subject matter. I'm not writing anything personal or even particularly creative. The notebook wasn't for work, but rather for me and my own expression of thoughts, ideas, etc.

 

Eventually I decided what I'd do with the book. I started using it to take notes at Church-related meetings, retreats, educational events, and what have you. That led to using it more generally, and eventually to using it for whatever I needed to write on whatever topic was at hand. Since then the Moleskine has been joined by a pile of other notebooks (mostly better paper, thank God), some of which are still unused. But I've gotten over the fear of using them, or at least I think so.

 

If I had to do it over again, what I might do differently is to start this journaling journey in, shall we say, less precious notebooks that I'd be less likely to fetishize. That way, perhaps I wouldn't have cared so much about "messing them up."

[Sailor Kenshin]

Does anyone else have the fear of making a mess, especially when crouched over their new expensive journal poised to write a dodgy line of verse?

 

I find myself doing this all the time. I think it comes from school where your work is supposed to be "neat and tidy" and the thought of filling my journal with crossings out and blots at times slows me down. I have to remind myself that it's my work, and no-one else is going to see it, at least until I have perfected it, and probably typed it up.

 

Sometimes I have to force myself by vandalising a page by doodling or doing 5 minute automatic writing exercises to get myself into the it doesn't matter/creative mindset. It becomes less of a problem once the journal is part filled, but with new journals it is a big problem and sometimes I buy two journals, because subliminally I'm worried that I'll make a mess of one, so I always have a spare.

 

Does anyone else have the same condition? What do you do to break in a new journal and get rid of the fear of making a mess?

My particular solution is simple: no expensive journals.

 

Really...a friend gave me one years ago, and I bought another last year. They never got used. When I have a dollar composition notebook, there is no fear.

[inkstainedruth]

Glad you brought this up.

 

I'm new to high-end paper and have a slightly different problem: I feel like each different journal should only be used for a specific kind of writing. But I don't know yet what those would be! Do I put my personal journal in the little dot grid book? Do I put notes from my reading in the Rhodia? What deserves to go in the Tomoe River journal?!!!

 

I don't seem to worry about mistakes--blotches and such turn into illustrations....

I'm a bit like that with the Tomoe River paper too. But a lot of what I've used it for is actually at pen club meetings, trying different pen/ink combinations: "Here, try this pen, you'll love it!"; or "Hey, I just got a bottle of X ink and I really like it...." Because what I have of the TR paper are pads that someone in the club made and was selling for a bit cheaper than online.

And, I have no clue what to do with the Rhodia dot grid pad I bought recently. I prefer unlined pages, but can't always find inexpensive journals with lots of pages, that have them and still have really FP friendly paper.

But regular journals I have no problem with. In fact, that's what got me into FPs in the first place: I bought a cheapie Parker cartridge pen to make myself actually get up and write three pages first thing every morning, and I started out with "cool" journals (in retrospect the paper wasn't all that great-- but back then I didn't know any different).

OTOH, I don't buy really expensive journals to begin with.

Ruth Morrisson aka inkstainedruth

[ac12]

I use mine to practice and improve my handwriting, so some times it is a mindless rambling, just to get more writing practice.

When I make a mistake, I cross it out and rewrite the word hopefully correctly/better, if not I cross that one out and try again. To me the cross outs show me where I am trying to improve.

[Scribe_Not]

... To me the cross outs show me where I am trying to improve.

 

I like that. It's kaizen.

[Octo]

My particular solution is simple: no expensive journals.

 

Really...a friend gave me one years ago, and I bought another last year. They never got used. When I have a dollar composition notebook, there is no fear.

 

 

+1

 

I'm a huge fan of composition notebooks and gather the FP friendly ones in the fall. I love the large, wide pages. I finally have a really nice leather cover that adds to the pleasure.

 

https://www.fountainpennetwork.com/forum/index.php/topic/254208-oberon-design-leather-cover-for-composition-notebooks/

 

 

Here's someone else's take on them http://observatory.designobserver.com/entry.html?entry=6067

[Sailor Kenshin]

Thanks! I added that to my reading list. And now I'm wondering where to get unlined comp notebooks.

[Nokin]

Hmmm, I wonder if those of us with a reluctance to 'spoil' a nice clean journal are also amongst those who are shy about posting our own handwriting on here, in case we somehow embarrass ourselves?

[Scribe_Not]

Hmmm, I wonder if those of us with a reluctance to 'spoil' a nice clean journal are also amongst those who are shy about posting our own handwriting on here, in case we somehow embarrass ourselves?

 

Well… I just laced that mother up.

[lapis]

Just start scribbling and doodling. The target can be the whole page. Take another look at Amber's art!

[Johan.Witt]

. . . an echo of the headmaster from the past. "Make it count... Do you best... What's your plan? ... Where are you going to go with this? .... Do you really want to say that? .... Where's your dictionary?" ...

You might want to glance at the little book entitled Art & Fear: Observations On the Perils (and Rewards) of Artmaking, by Bayles and Orland. Might help!

[penhand]

I hadn't written in script for over 20 years. Getting pen pals and writing back and forth over a year ago in cursive was a great "break the ice" for me. At least I'm no longer self-coucious about my writing -- especially after trying to decipher some letters I've received.

 

This doesn't mean I'm immune to the journal's "first page dilemma" ... just not afraid to write in script on the second page.