Jumping To Conclusions
Entry posted by Ruaidhri
3,770 views
I was chagrined this morning to discover that one of Our Esteemed and Highly Valued Moderators (do not confuse OEHVM with OEIG - one set of people works, the other is a little flawed) was having trouble with his Interwebtube Connection.
Naturally he was extremely upset and rashly jumped to the conclusion that the Electrical Computer Wire and Cable Providers were to blame!
Luckily I was able to throw some light on his problem when I informed him that Ernst had been in his area for the last week, on a field trip with the Irish Turnip Fanciers & Long Distance Crochet Association, and also that he brought a small shovel (samples for the digging of).
Thank Heavens the source of the trouble was identified before our OEHVN Member did, said, or wrote something he would later come to regret.
While, as my Dear Reader will be aware, I am the most modest of men, I have to admit to having a warm feeling after solving yet another of Mankind's mysteries.On a side note: there was a fearful argument between Ernst and myself last evening. As you already know we have just about reached a stage in our researches into Cold Fusion where we are ready for Testing.There had been some small difficulties with the High Energy Potato Collider. I realised (after a couple of wee drams of port) in a moment of astounding clarity that the difficulty was being caused by Quantum Entanglement ("why didn't you think of that immediately" I hear you say - I know, silly me!) between the potatoes.
Having fired potatoes into both ends of the System we found that after Collision, there was only ONE potato!Consternation! Much muttering! Great over-use of exclamation marks!!It finally hit me like a bolt from the blue - both potatoes were occupying the same space and time. What a breakthrough!The row broke out when Ernst insisted that there was only ONE potato! Sometimes he really tries my patience! Further bulletins will issue as we proceed.Regards,Ruaidhrí* In the unlikely event that Irish Turnip Fanciers & Long Distance Crochet Association is unknown to you, I should perhaps add a little of its background:
The Association was founded in the little village of Kinnegad in 1642 by Father Pádraig Óg Blikenstein-O'Flannery and Seán Micheál Bourke (of the West Kerry Sweeneys - a long story).The initial aim of the Association was to "catalogue all ye knowne turnyps of the Realm and Beyond, forminge Ye Mighty Tome of Reference, with ye Crochetted Cover of Great Beauty".
It was later used as a tool of revolution, when Irish Rebels allowed copies of the Ms, cunningly re-titled "Rules and Strategems for Foyling English Occupation" to fall into the hands of the Dreaded Sassenachs.This action had the effect of tying up large numbers of their intelligence staff trying to decode the seemingly cryptic references.
The ruse was finally discovered when Colonel James Worthington-Smythe of the Queen's Own Short Swords and Daggers tried one of the patterns and found it actually was a real crochet pattern.
This had two effects. The first was to free up intelligence staff with the result that Ireland remained part of Great Britain for some time afterwards, the second was that ever since that fateful day, the Queen's Own Short Swords and Daggers wear a small (tasteful) patch of crochet on the top of their berets as a reminder of Worthington-Smythe's discovery.
In latter years the Association has gone back to its roots as a scientific group of people, happily travelling the world recording their turnip discoveries, and competing in full contact crochet tournaments on an international basis.
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